RIP Nima Bhakta

Earlier this week, the world lost a beautiful person. She was a wife, daughter, and most importantly, she was a mommy.

Today’s Wednesday Motivation stems from the loss of Nima Bhakta.

I’m not a mom so I can’t speak on what postpartum depression feels like, but I am human and I have felt pain. Talking about suicide is hard for me bc when I was 18, i lost someone close to me due to suicide and when i think about losing him, i fall into a rabbit hole of my own thoughts. Instant tears along with so many questions.

Depression comes in all shapes and for many reasons. On the outside you can pretend to be the happiest person, but internally feel immense pain.

I’m one of those people who ALWAYS smiles and people who know me, regularly comment on how happy I always am. But they don’t know that two nights ago I had one of those nights where I cried myself to sleep. They don’t know that a month ago I was SO incredibly sad because I just couldn’t put my finger on what my purpose was.

I’ve always been an overachiever and I’m definitely type A. After getting my Master’s, I worked full time and continued educating myself on various topics. I’ve always been on top of my game. But due to the pandemic, my life was put on hold. I had nothing to study for, nothing to do. I worked from home and I’d complete my work by noon, then what was i supposed to do? We can’t really do anything, I’m just stuck at home all day while my husband goes out to work.

So after a month of moping, I woke up and decided that i needed to pull myself out of it. So with support from my husband, I did. Then I fell back into moping and had to pull myself out of it again. It’s a process. During my last effort in pulling myself out of the funk, my husband encouraged me to finally start my website.

So I turned my pain into power. On top of my full time job, I’m filling my time with another full time job - establishing my website and blogging. My days are now full. I don’t have free time to drown myself in my thoughts. It’s so refreshing. I have a purpose!